The problem of being awkward with introductions is not, for many, an “unusual situation.” You may find that you are often uncertain about whether to introduce someone using their first name, last name, or both; about whether to use a qualifier (“this is my friend, ______”); even about whether or not it is in fact your responsibility to introduce two people in a given situation. But all of this is small potatoes compared with the seemingly inevitable mingling nightmare of having to introduce someone whose name you have forgotten.
It’s one thing to forget someone’s name if you’ve met them only once or twice, or if you haven’t seen them in a while. But all too often it’s someone whose name you really should know, and who is going to be insulted to find out you don’t. In other words, a faux pas in the making.
This is absolute agony when it happens, and I’ve watched hundreds of minglers try to deal with different ways, ranging from exuberant apology (“Oh GOD, I’m so sorry, JEEZ, wow, I can’t believe I’ve forgotten your name!”) to throwing up their hands and walking away. But there are better ways to deal with this kind of mental slip. Next time you draw a blank while making introductions, try the following ploy:
Force them to introduce themselves. This is the smoothest and most effective way to handle your memory lapse. When it’s done well, no one will ever suspect you. If you have forgotten one person’s name in the group, turn to that person first and smile. Then turn invitingly to a person whose name you do remember and say, “This is Linden Bond,” turning back casually toward the forgotten person. The person whose name you haven’t mentioned yet will automatically (it’s a reflex) say “Nice to meet you, Linden, I’m Sylvia Cooper,” and usually offer a hand to shake. | 对大多数人而言,在介绍他人时手足无措并非“罕见情况”。您可能发现,自己常会在以下方面把握不好:介绍时应该使用这个人的名、姓还是全名?要使用修饰语吗(如:“这是我的朋友,某某”)?您甚至无法确定是否有义务在某个场合介绍两人相识。然而,这一切与似乎无法避免的社交梦魇(即必须介绍某人,却不记得人家名字)相比,就是小巫见大巫了。
由于和某人接触不多或长期不见而忘记名字情有可原,但在太多的情况下,我们忘记的却是本应记得的名字,这样的名字忘记了,便会惹恼对方。换言之,这是一种酝酿中的失礼。
发生这种事绝对让人头痛,而我看到诸多社交人士试图以各种形式解决问题,从表示极度歉意(“哦!天啊!真太抱歉了,我的天,哇,真难以置信,我竟然忘记了您的名字!”)到举手投降、一走了之,无所不为其用。然而,要解决这种健忘,有很多更好的方法。下次您为他人作介绍时,如果脑中突现空白,不妨试试底下这招:
迫使双方自我介绍。这是解决失忆问题最圆满、最有效的方法。如果做得好,则不会有人对您产生怀疑。要是您忘记了圈儿内某个人的名字,可以首先转向这个人,并面带微笑,接着再邀请性地转向您记得名字的另一人,说:“这是林登•邦德。”一边儿说,一边儿自然地回转身形,面向您忘记名字的人。虽然您并未提及此人姓名,但她却会自动(这是一种反射)回应:“很高兴见到你,林登。我叫西尔维亚•库珀。”而且通常还会主动握手。 |